I WAS FIRED FOR PLANKING! and also owling.

Seriously......you just can't make stuff like this up. I'm about to change the name of this site to "Weird, Fucked Up Shit That Happens To Me. Occasionally."

I along with two other employees at Petsmart was fired for planking in the back 5 min before closing. We took a few pictures. Didn't post them anywhere and only had 1 copy of each, but someone "found" them and gave to the manager. When they showed them to me Law and Order interrogation style, I couldn't stop laughing. The store manager actually told me corporate was having an "investigation". An investigation. On planking. If you don't understand: I got fired for laying flat on surfaces. There are a couple of dudes investigating that. Poor poor bastards.

Strongly thinking about calling the local newspaper and the media tomorrow. I might be the first person fired for this. 15 min of FAME!! HERE I COME!!

HOLY FUCKIN SHIT BALLS!!!

This is fucking AMAZING to me. I think I might be the only person in the world to say this.

Anyways I was just outside getting baked in the backyard(for some reason?) and I see something moving in the distance about 50 feet away from me. It was small, round, shiny, and kinda freaked me out for a second. Then I noticed it's a fucking armadillo. I was intrigued so I decided to sneak up on it while I was smoking a blunt and see what would happen. He stared at me for a while then ran off when I tried to throw a stick at it. I don't blame him. Dick move on my part. Well, he wasn't too fast so I began to chase him until he ended up under my house! So I just sat down and carried on by the back door which also happened to be by the hole he crawled into. While I was chiefing I blew some smoke in the hole thinkin "haha, he's gettin high". Then he COMES OUT, sniffs the air, slowly makes it beside me and just chills there for a couple of minutes. He didn't freak out or anything. It was fucking awesome. I blew him a few shotguns and he resided back under the house and didn't come out.

You're Welcome Mr. Armadillo

i named him terry

Things I Don't Hate: The Fallout Vault Hero

Man I love that fucking game.

Philosoraptor: Christmas Edition (Sort of. Well he has a hat.)

Fuck Christmas

It speaks for itself.

Stole this from hailmaryjane.com. May the force be with you.

Cellphone Assholes

Have you ever been at work and a customer puts you on hold so they can answer their phone and worse than that, talk as loud as possible so everyone can see that they are CURRENTLY ON A CELLULAR PHONE!!!? "I HAVE TO SHOW EVERYONE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS PORTABLE COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE!!! I AM THE FUTURE!!!" As you can guess, this irritates the shit out of me. There is no need to yell at someone about some shit I don't even give one fuck about while you're holding up a line at some douchebag store like Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

It takes every inch of zen in me to keep from snatching that $500 phone out of your Starbucks-stained hand, smashing it against your face until the screen explodes, shoving it up your ass, and then asking, "Hi, how may I help you?". Damn rich people, stop being such assholes ALL the time. Give us common folk a break.

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!

It's now a little chilly outside, time to mix up some Bhang.

Even though I'm usually a very angry guy, I like to chill out to some hot herbal tea once it starts getting nice and nippy outside. Well I've been drying some white clover flower heads and some mint leaves for about a week now. Today, I was thinking, "Hey it's about time to make a little something special." So while I was brainstorming of a good way to flavor my tea, it dawned on me. I remembered an episode of "Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations"(I definitely DON'T hate that show!) where he went to a bhang shop in India like the one in the picture. The little guy whipped up a drink with tons of "herbs" and a milk base.

Well, I had a little "herbal" medicine laying around so I decided to make a version of my own. OMG! Fucking delicious! I remember thinking to myself, "Man, this is gonna be a waste." Worth it. Try it. You'll love it.

Not sure of all measurements so just experiment. I used:

10 dried white clover flowers(picked from my yard)

4 dried mint leaves

2 grams "herb"(crush stems/seeds and add with)

1 gram chamomile(used half a teabag from commercial herbal tea)

When you open the chamomile bag, do it carefully and save bag. Grind ingredients finely then put them back in the teabag. Staple close and make sure string is reattached. Steep in boiling water(enough for 2 good size mugs) for about 20 min.

Pour into mugs evenly then start flavoring. You can choose what you like except for the milk/cream. I used:

2 tsp Brown sugar

1 tsp Regular Sugar

Very small amount of vanilla extract(1/4 tsp per mug)

1/4 cup milk/cream

1 tsp of cocoa per mug(very optional)

It won't get you "fucked up", but it's really relaxing after a long cold day. Have fun kids.

The King

Things I Don't Hate: Technologically Impaired Duck

And just who the fuck are you....?

I'm so sick of these know it all people that give random advise to strangers. At the place I work, I have to give my expert opinion on a daily basis and I have no problem answering these questions. But it seems like there is always someone(that does not work there) that just appears out of nowhere and puts their two cents in. Who the fuck are these false knowledge superheroes? Do they just go to stores, post up in the back, and wait? Newsflash: I fucking work here and you don't. Leave me and paying customers alone and go back to window shopping. I mean who do you think they're going to listen to? The guy in a uniform or an alcoholic in a Dale Jr. shirt with three teeth? FUCK OFF!!

Things I Don't Hate: Philosoraptor

Success

Cheetah Woods

I'm not even going to say anything about this one. It would just be contributing more. I'll just leave you with this picture.
That douchebag.

No "Special" Treatment

Here is a big FUCK YOU to you so-called "handicapped" drivers. Everyday it seems like I get stuck behind one of these symbols on a license plate while I'm on my way to work. While they're for people that are ACTUALLY disabled, they're used by old or fat assholes that think going 25 miles under the speed limit is "safe driving".

Then I seen something that made me even more furious at these wrinkled fucks. I was sitting in the parking lot at my job smoking a cigarette when I seen a half-armed man. That's right, half arms. Not like nubs though, actually half length arms with hands. Well my point is, I seen this guy get into his car. He had to reach into his pockets like he was trying to touch his knee just to get his keys so I could just imagined how this guy was going to drive a vehicle. That's when I noticed it. No fucking handicap plates. This man that obviously looks like he needs special treatment says, "Fuck that dude. I don't need that shit."

Here's to you Half-arm guy. Thanks for helping me prove that this symbol is now used as an excuse to be an asshole.

The Shady Button grrr

You know what I hate on occasion? The ignore button on cellphones aka The Shady Button. I mean it's cool when I use it which is most of the time(talking on the phone sux too), but it should definitely NOT be used by people who need to be reached. Like weed dealers, for example, should answer there fucking phones at all time. Do they though? No. I'm not sure if its that hard of a job but I think a day would go something like this.

1. CHILL.

2. SELL WEED.

3. SMOKE A BLUNT.

4. REPEAT STEPS 1-3

I'm going to call the Better Business Bureau on you lazy assholes.

LEGALIZE IT!!!!!!!!

Sad but true...

The Fett Man

I cant stop laughing at this...

Damn I hate Emos

This has been going on for way too long now!! I thought it was just another stupid fucking fad that preteens would give up in a few years. But NOOOOO. They're everywhere. Crowding my mall, walking my streets in those 'skinny' jeans that really say, "Hey, I'm a complete vagina and you can easily rob me for my parents money that I keep in my Green Day wallet which is in my My Chemical Romance man purse.", and all up in my internetz. Fuck off kids. It's old now.

I really don't believe in living suicidal people. It's a fucking oxymoron so just prove me wrong emos and get rid of your whinny subculture. I have a plan: you bring the Kool-Aid and I'll bring the industrial-sized box of rat poison. Now that's what I call a party!!

Meme's are Fuckin' Funny

Thanks to memegenerator.com for having such a fucking variety of funny to choose from. (These were all created by yours truly. Please hold your applause.)

Welcome Fuckfaces!!

Hi, welcome to EMPIRE OF HATE!!!1!!! My name is Cody T. and I will be your tour guide through this hellhole known as planet Earth. I'm a natural born asshole and I'll make sure to tell you what pisses me off on a regular basis. So sit the fuck back and enjoy the motherfukin ride!! Also, feel free to email me things that irritate the shit out of you as well and I just might post it if I agree with your irrational hatred.